This post, by Tamara Hiscock, is a reflection on “The Real Christmas Joy” sermon as part of the “Waiting on God” sermon series.
When I was first asked about writing this reflection, I knew it was the time of Joy. I thought I was just going to write about rainbows, sunshine and unicorns. You know. All things happy because, after all, it’s the holidays and Christmas is magical (which it is! In the biblical sense.) but then I listened to the sermon and felt like I was being called out by Elaine. It’s not all about rainbows, sunshine and unicorns. I know this!
I think being glad and happy during the holidays comes easily to most and it’s kind of…expected. No one wants to be the “Debbie Downer” during the holidays.
When Elaine mentioned people missing at the table during Christmas it struck me. My table used to sit my grandparents, parents, and siblings, but this year it will only sit my Mom and myself…Maybe the cat and dog if you want to count them.
My grandparents have all passed on and so has my father. My siblings and of course Jayston…well…they are scattered all around Canada. It’s hard to be glad amidst that. My table is pretty empty.
But I allow myself to sit with the sadness – To sit in the dark – but I try to play that glad game Elaine spoke of. I do have someone sitting at my table…some people don’t have anyone, but that doesn’t mean it hurts me any less.
Throughout my days I actively try to play that glad game because if I don’t, I can find myself living in the dark. It’s ok to sit in the dark; it’s not ok to live in it.
Sometimes its little things: such as a smile from a stranger, a kind hello, and clean socks.
Sometimes it’s larger things: such as a job offer, a school acceptance letter and a home.
It’s so easy to be glad when the light is shining on all that’s good, but what happens when that light goes out and you can’t see anymore?… I think sometimes we try hard to be glad so that we can just bypass the pain. It doesn’t work. Pain is meant to be felt. I wish we and society put less pressure on ourselves to feel like we have to walk around feeling happy, glad, grateful and even joyful during the holidays, because I think if we lived in our darkness more, then that’s where the real gratitude would be found. Pain and gratitude co-exist, and we know it’s just not realistic to be happy all the time. Besides, we can only know happiness because we have experienced sadness.
I will never say that I am glad my Dad passed away, but I am glad that I had such an amazing Dad. So much so that my friends tell me they wished he was their Dad. My Dad left me a gift (I choose to see it that way) of the ability to go to school, I’m glad about that….no matter how much school stresses me out. I’m glad.
I try to switch my thinking from “Why is this happening to me?” To “Thank you for this experience; it is helping me to learn _____ fill in the blank” this is hard. Very hard, but I truly believe that there is something valuable to be gained in every hardship. It might just take a while to see what that looks like.
My favourite verse in the bible is Isaiah 43:2: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze”
I have read this to myself over and repeatedly in times of darkness, especially after my Dad passed. There were times when it felt like God was not with me and I was being drowned and burned alive at the same time, but in looking back now I know that He’s been, and continues to be, there the whole time.
Life is so hard and some of us right now are in a dark room, some of us are in a brightly lit room and some of us may only have a nightlight, but the only way I know how to move through the dark is to consistently search for the light and to realize that the darkness isn’t forever.
My challenge to everyone is to not find something you’re glad about, but to be that nightlight, if you can, for others lost in the dark during the holidays (and onwards truly) because “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” might be tone-deaf to some, or maybe… just sit with someone in their darkness …or sit in each other’s darkness together for a moment. It just might be what they need this Christmas. It might be what you need.